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The Spinning-House of the Future
By James Williams
"Cada puta hile."--Don Quixote, i. 46.
Without my dinner here I lie,
And all because that proctor
With her stout bull-dogs passed, and I
Mocked her.
For Clara is at Girton too,
That dragon is her tutor,
I threatened once what I would do,
Shoot her.
Her life by Clara's tears was saved,
Wherefore she doth detest me,
And hither hungry and unshaved
Pressed me.
I would that I could have commenced
An action 'gainst that devil,
Like that once brought by Kemp against
Neville.[H]
To her I owe the statute framed
That one against it sinning
Should dwell within the house that's named
Spinning.
Ah me! it runs in sections three:
Who speaks to Girton student
Is fined to teach him how to be
Prudent.
Who loves a Girton girl must do
Twelve months on bread and water,
From a digestive point of view
Slaughter.
Who kisses her commits a crime
By hanging expiated,
And she in tears must spend her time
Gated.
Would that at Oxford I had been,
At Balliol or at Merton,
And then I never should have seen
Girton.
Go down I must, no more shall I
And Clara cross the same bridge;
Still, Granta, art thou her and my
Cambridge.
Some day on this her eyes may light,
This doggerel stiff and jointless,
And she may own it is not quite
Pointless.
Extra Info:
[H] An action brought in 1861 by a dressmaker at Cambridge against the Vice-Chancellor for false imprisonment in the Spinning-House (the University prison). The Court of Common Pleas held inter alia that no action lies against a judge for a judicial decision on a matter within his jurisdiction (10 Common Bench Reports, New Series, 523).
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