Public Domain Poetry And Stories - A Manager's Perplexities by William Schwenck Gilbert
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A Manager's Perplexities

    By William Schwenck Gilbert



    Were I a king in very truth,
    And had a son - a guileless youth -
    In probable succession;
    To teach him patience, teach him tact,
    How promptly in a fix to act,
    He should adopt, in point of fact,
    A manager's profession.
    To that condition he should stoop
    (Despite a too fond mother),
    With eight or ten "stars" in his troupe,
    All jealous of each other!
    Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,
    Each member a genius (and some of them two),
    And manage to humour them, little and great,
    Can govern a tuppenny-ha'penny State!

    Both A and B rehearsal slight -
    They say they'll be "all right at night"
    (They've both to go to school yet);
    C in each act MUST change her dress,
    D WILL attempt to "square the press";
    E won't play Romeo unless
    His grandmother plays Juliet;
    F claims all hoydens as her rights
    (She's played them thirty seasons);
    And G must show herself in tights
    For two convincing reasons -
    Two very well-shaped reasons!
    Oh, the man who can drive a theatrical team,
    With wheelers and leaders in order supreme,
    Can govern and rule, with a wave of his fin,
    All Europe and Asia - with Ireland thrown in!



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